To anyone living along the waterfront, a “fixture” as we have pictured here is quite common. It exists in order to help keep ships/boats from hitting seawalls etc. There is one main piling driven into the waters, surrounded by several others to give it support. They are then all “wrapped” together to give it strength.

We can take this image and give it other meanings as well. For example, it could be a very simple way of describing the universal Church. The central pole is the Vatican. All the other “supporting” poles represent the various conferences of Catholic Bishops from around the world. The three bands holding the nautical fixture together could represent all that holds the church together – faith, hope charity, justice, mercy, respect, honor, the 10 commandments, the 7 sacraments, the spiritual and corporal works of mercy we all learned about in our youth, etc.

Finally, this picture can be representative of a person. The central pole is our “personhood” – and the other pilings represent family, friends, teachers, church, priests (ministers etc), other persons or groups we belong to that give us support. The three bands of rope represent those elements of our lives the hold it all together” – again, faith, hope, charity, church, trust, respect, honor, etc.

When a person is abused by a priest, these “ropes” that are intended to give us support and tie us to others for support, these ropes are severed. Just as in the nautical use, these ropes are necessary to hold it all together. If the ropes are left unattended they easily fall into disrepair, and the structure is weakened – even to the point that the structure becomes totally useless.

When a person is abused (by a priest) we, oftentimes, experience a disassociation with the church hierarchy, the church structure, the church itself. The ropes are severed and we are not able to feel the “security” of knowing trust, safety, respect etc. Our world is thrown into utter chaos.

Another way to explain that sense of loss is to imagine that you are a new grandparent. Moments after your newborn grandchild is born you are informed that you will never see him/her again. There is no reason given. The fleeting joy of seeing the newborn is shattered. Grandparents struggle unfathomable distress when this happens. That is similar to the loss experienced by a victim of clergy sexual abuse.

As a priest victim of clergy abuse I suffer that same “grandparent loss.” I am of the age that I should be in a parish as pastor, receiving calls from former altar servers, former lectors, former youth leaders etc asking me to witness their marriages – or to baptize their children – or marry off their children. Because in conscience I cannot represent these bishops who continue to re-victimize those abused by priests, I am like the grandparent who is no longer allowed to share that joy.

As victim, I thank you for being there, reaching out to me and to other victims. Just realize that when you reach out we are oftentimes hesitant. The priest reached out to us as well, and in accepting that contact, we got hurt. We recognize that your intentions are well-intended – just give us time to “test the waters” to make sure the piling is safe for us to reach out to as well.

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